UGGGGHHHH

Sometimes, I hate my brain. I'm so dang paranoid. I have this feeling that I'm just headed for disaster, but I don't want to do anything about it because I do think my overactive imagination is acting up, but not doing anything is making me crazy. I feel like one of the people from Final Destination who can see their death. Even last night, I had this scary dream where I was at the mall about to get my hair cut, when I looked out and saw a parade of goats and shepherds marching by to a drum beat chanting "No, no, no, no, no, no"...idk what it meant but it was freaky and I woke up feeling like I just saw an omen. Maybe I shouldnt get my hair cut for awhile. Or go to a goat farm. But seriously, what do I dooo? I despise this feeling. It ruins my days that I try so hard to salvage. Sometimes having a relationship is so hard. Especially when you're like me and analyze things and fill in unknown details with your own insane ideas. I always get over it, but not before I get all worried and lose tons of sleep. But I guess its hard not to do when your significant other is over 1000 miles away and has left you for another girl before. Because then, leaving multiple times in a day for long periods of time abruptly and without saying I love you and being cranky and either intentionally or unintentionally hurtful, well it starts to make you panic. I'm sort of rambling here. Maybe this is how every relationship is. I often have trouble relating my situation to other situations, because not many people are in my position and I'm sure things are different when you're with the person everyday and when you're not. Riiight? If you're still reading this, all I have to say is: Why? I bet it was the most wasted few minutes of your life. And this is why I need a blog, I think too much. :-)

Babies having babies

Where was I when teen pregnancy became cool? It's gotten to the point where I can't even leave my house without hearing something about another pregnant 17 year old. There's a reality show about it. Two, if you count Baby Borrowers. Is it just our generation? Have we become these creepy mega-fertile beings? I don't know. But I can't count the number of pregnant or babymamas that I know on two hands. My closest childhood friends are included in those two groups. I think the worst part is that it's being accepted. I remember the first time this all hit me, I was logging into Facebook and saw an album of babyshower pictures for a girl I kinda knew. I checked them out, and there was a picture of a cake. It said "Congratulations, Cate!" And that was when I thought: WTF? Call me old-fashioned, but if I was 16 and about to expel a small human from my vag, the last thing I'd want to hear is "Congratulations". If it was my friend giving birth, I would not congratulate her either. I would verbally beat her up if she thought it was a good thing. Many of these '09-'10 babies are growing up with a mother who can't even support herself and has dropped out of school. The dads are God knows where (in most cases). And, HURRAY, guess who will get to pay for their child support checks? ME. Yes, I get to be responsible and safe with my sexual adventures, finish school, and work every single day so that these idiots can buy diapers and beer. I'm not saying this is the case every time, but usually it is. I don't see any of these girls trying to better their situation. I know one who has a daughter with a guy who beats her and went to jail and goes nuts if he doesn't take his meds. Lucky little girl. Basically: Sluts and irresponsible teenyboppers need to be wiped out.

I don't know how it gets better than this

Isn't it true, for the most part, that how good or bad a day turns out, it's all about who you're with and not what you do? The first time I met up with my boyfriend was one of the best days I've ever had, and it was in the middle of an unfamiliar city (to both of us), it was pouring rain so my hair was soaked, my makeup was running because I cried when I first saw him, and his friend he drove with locked his keys in the truck. But there was also that moment that was literally breathtaking, when I walked off the Greyhound bus and into the Windsor bus station to see him standing there. His eyes got wide and I was stunned, and we just hugged and cried, and he asked me for a kiss, and I gave it to him even though there was a ton of people around. All we did was go for coffee and run around like idiots in a parking garage and look at the view of Detroit. But after waiting two years to be with somebody, imagining how their skin feels and how their mouth tastes and how soft their hair is and if their eyes look any different in person, it's SO much for your body to take in at once when you finally are with them, but you do it, and it's the best feeling. I didn't take for granted that I got to sit on his lap, hold his hand, kiss him any second I wanted to, or touch his face. It was perfect. And when I got back to my city and got written up for ditching work and in huge trouble for running away at 7AM without telling anyone, I didn't even care. It was worth it. One person can make such a difference. We only got to spend 5 hours together, and it turned out being one of the most life-changing days ever.

Me

I created this blog because I have a bad habit of staying up late and thinking. A lot. And I like to have a place to put my thoughts where they can be shared, but probably not with anyone I know. So we'll start by saying I'm eighteen. I've been in a long distance relationship for four years..I live in Canada and he lives in Arkansas. Crazy, right? I like to say we're engaged to be engaged. I'm still at the promise ring stage, slowly moving towards the engagement ring stage. I don't really think anything else is too important. I like to sing and write random lyrics. I find pleasure in the smallest things. I don't like drinking or doing drugs. Parties aren't my thing. People think because I'm pretty and skinny with big boobs, that I'm not a virgin. I am. I have terrible mood swings and get stressed out easily. I have a looong list of pet peeves, but also a long list of things I like. I try to love life all the time.